equotes.xyx

You know, it wasn't even that I'm a funny guy, I just loved stand-up comedy and I wanted to do it. It was one of the few things in my life that I knew I was going to be able to do, and I also felt as though I'd be able to do it the way I wanted to do it.

Copy Quote

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Copy Quote View & Share

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Copy Quote View & Share

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.

Copy Quote View & Share

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Copy Quote View & Share

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Copy Quote View & Share

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Copy Quote View & Share

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

Copy Quote View & Share

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Copy Quote View & Share

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Copy Quote View & Share

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

Copy Quote View & Share