Al Franken quotes

My dad always told me to stand up to bullies, and Bill O'Reilly is kind of a bully, and he's the kind of kid who hits other kids on the playground. And when you hit him, he runs to the teacher and says, 'Teacher, sue him.'

You have to love your country like an adult loves somebody, not like a child loves its mommy. And right-wing Republicans tend to love America like a child loves its mommy, where everything Mommy does is okay. But adult love means you're not in denial, and you want the loved one to be the best they can be.

Humor and seriousness are not in opposition to each other.

Veterans report that service dogs help break their isolation. People will often avert their eyes when they see a wounded veteran. But when the veteran has a dog, the same people will come up and say, 'Hi' to pet the dog and then strike up a conversation.

Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of humor.

There is - I mean - I found early in life that righteous indignation is a little off-putting, and so I try to couch it with humor.

If you look at terrorists, they really have no sense of humor.

My daughter became a teacher right out of college.

I think the government has a role in protecting the fundamental rights of its citizens.

It's hard to have that debate around secret programs authorized by secret legal opinions issued by a secret court. Actually, it's impossible to have that debate.

Apple has long been a leading innovator of mobile technology; I myself own an iPhone.

Teen pregnancy went way down in the '90s, and 75 percent of it was because of increased use of contraception.

There's plenty of room for humor in politics, God knows, but it's a serious business.

Having an actual income can expand your romantic horizons toward the more appealing end of the spectrum.