Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.
Copy Quote View & ShareI'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.
Copy Quote View & ShareThere's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
Copy Quote View & ShareI had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years.
Copy Quote View & ShareYou know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
Copy Quote View & ShareNever ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?
Copy Quote View & ShareHere in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.
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