Johnny Carson quotes

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.