Les Dawson quotes

My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.'

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'

In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.