Paula Poundstone quotes

I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.

I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.

I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.

I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.