Robert Orben quotes

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

If you can laugh together, you can work together.

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.