Ron White quotes

My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.

When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper.

Movies are boring. It's like watching paint dry. I did a little role in a movie, and it was eight lines. I was there for three days. It's just horrible. Television is 15 hour days. Movies are 18 hour days. And it's 18 hours of doing not a thing.

Any time someone achieves success before they've earned it, it always comes back to haunt them.

My uncle was a preacher, and I used to go watch him preach. He was also funny, so I'm very 'preacher-ish' on stage, not by intent but because that's where I learned to talk in front of people.

I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, 'I'm not even a 10th of this man.'

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.

People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow.

I've got a role in the new Billy Bob Thornton movie that Billy Bob wrote and is going to direct called 'Jayne Mansfield's Car.' I only have four scenes, but I have as much dialogue as anybody in the movie.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.

I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.