W C Fields quotes

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I like children - fried.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.