I'm going to do a lot of weird stuff that's not going to be like me prancing around like an insane 12-year-old. I showed everybody that side of me and I think it's time to do different stuff, even when it comes down to the type of humor. I want to do some drier, weirder stuff.
Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.