I did go to college with him, but everyone's always like, 'Did you meet Mark Zuckerberg? Did you hang out with him?' and I'm like, 'No,' because he was in a lab creating Facebook, and I was, like, learning about alcohol. Well, we did go to school, and I think I'm not really benefiting from that relationship in any way.
The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.
