Lewis Black - Funny Quotes | equotes

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There is something about putting the uniform on. You've got a role to play, to be calm, to lead other people, to go forward when everyone else is running away. It gives you a sense of, not of courage but, 'It's my job.'

Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?'

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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

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Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

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No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.

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Abraham Lincoln

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

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I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

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Winston Churchill

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

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I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

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Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

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If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

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Theodore Roosevelt

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