Funny Quotes

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark.

Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

One man is as good as another until he has written a book.

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.

Be obscure clearly.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.

Every dogma has its day.